Healing kids relationships with social media

It’s 2024, and let’s face it — social media is a huge part of our kids’ lives. From TikTok dances to Instagram stories and Snapchat streaks, it can seem like they’re constantly plugged in. While these platforms offer fun ways for kids to connect, share, and create, they can also bring some challenges: from comparing themselves to others, to getting too caught up in likes and followers. So, how do we help our kids find a healthy balance? The good news is, it’s possible to heal their relationship with social media, and it starts with a few key steps.

The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media

Let’s start by acknowledging something important: social media isn’t all bad. It’s a space where kids can express themselves, discover new hobbies, and even find communities that make them feel seen and heard. For many, it’s a creative outlet or a way to stay connected with friends when they can’t hang out in person.

But we’ve all heard the downsides. Endless scrolling, unrealistic beauty standards, and the pressure to present a “perfect” life can take a toll. Studies have shown links between excessive social media use and mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem — especially amongst teenagers.

So, how can we guide our kids toward using these platforms in a way that enhances, rather than harms, their wellbeing?

1. Start with an Open Conversation

The first step in healing kids’ relationship with social media is simple: talk to them. Not a lecture, but an honest, two-way conversation. Ask them how they feel about the time they spend online. What do they enjoy? What stresses them out? Let them share their perspective without judgment.

This approach not only helps you understand where they’re coming from, but it also builds trust. Kids are more likely to be open about their online habits if they know you’re listening, not just waiting to hit them with rules.

It’s also a good opportunity to explain how social media often shows a highlight reel of people’s lives—not the full picture. Let them know it’s okay not to measure up to what they see online because nobody does all the time!

2. Set Healthy Boundaries—Together

Kids resist rules when they feel imposed. But if they’re part of the decision making process, they’re much more likely to stick to them. Work together to set boundaries around screen time. You might suggest “tech-free” times, like during meals or before bed, so everyone — including parents — gets a break from the digital world.

Instead of banning certain apps or websites, try offering alternatives. Encourage hobbies that don’t involve screens: playing sports, reading, drawing, or hanging out with friends offline. This can help kids strike a balance between their online and real world lives.

3. Teach Digital Literacy

One of the most powerful tools we can give our kids is the ability to think critically about what they see online. Helping them become digitally literate means teaching them to recognise when something’s not real, misleading, or harmful.

Encourage them to ask questions like, “Is this post edited or filtered?” “Why do I feel bad after seeing this?” or “Is this information from a reliable source?” These kinds of questions empower kids to take control of their social media experience, rather than being passively influenced by it.

4. Lead by Example

Here’s the tricky part: kids tend to follow what we do, not just what we say. If we’re constantly glued to our phones or getting sucked into social media drama, chances are they’ll mimic that behavior.

Try modeling a healthy relationship with your own devices. That might mean taking time to unplug, engaging in offline activities, and being mindful about what you post and share. When kids see that you can use social media without letting it run your life, they’re more likely to follow suit.

5. Focus on Real-World Self-Worth

Social media can often become a place where kids look for validation — whether it’s through likes, comments, or followers. Helping them build self-worth in real life can shift their need for online approval.

Encourage them to focus on their skills, passions, and friendships outside of social media. Remind them that they’re valued for who they are, not how many followers they have or how “cool” their posts look. By fostering a strong sense of self, kids are less likely to rely on online validation to feel good about themselves.

6. Know When to Seek Help

If social media is having a serious impact on your child’s wellbeing — whether it’s causing stress, anxiety, or depression — it might be time to bring in some extra support. Therapists and counsellors can offer tools to help kids manage these feelings and develop healthier habits.

At the end of the day, social media is here to stay. Rather than seeing it as the enemy, the goal is to help our kids build a balanced relationship with it — one that encourages creativity, connection, and fun without compromising their mental health.

With open communication, digital education, clear boundaries, and a focus on real world self-esteem, we can help kids navigate the digital world in a way that empowers them, rather than dragging them down. After all, they deserve to enjoy the best parts of social media — without the unnecessary stress that currently comes with it.